2020 and more

Every year, I usually pick a city and name my year after that city. 2019 was Dallas and I’ve been thinking hard about 2020 because its not just about picking the city. Every city I pick gives me a particular kind of vibe. And this year, there’s nowhere I’d rather be than London. This is the year I do my internship and when I think of London I get that professional kind of vibe. I should be graduating next year and I think I should now be focused on building my career (I say should because I haven’t been and here is the story).

I’m usually very determined to accomplish my year’s goals, and also very excited just to put them down but not this year. And its not like I don’t have a diary, I have 4 from the previous years -for the reason that I hoard diaries. Truth is I’ve been feeling so uninspired and incompetent that I decided to just write and put it on the internet and share it with someone- anyone.

I wrote my goals after the new year had started, clearly I wasn’t very determined to start the year. I wrote them half- halfheartedly and I was basically just rewriting the goals hadn’t accomplished last year- nearly all of them. I haven’t even reviewed them since I wrote them, I haven’t broken them down into actionable goals and I’m not even motivated to follow through. But that’s not why I’m writing. I’m writing because even though I’ve been feeling down, today has been my worst and here’s why.

I feel like I can’t ever make the right choices and I’ve drifted away so far that I can’t trust my own decisions. My efficiency in anything I do has decreased by 80% and its costing me a lot, especially my peace of mind which I absolutely cherish. So why do I put this here now though its been going on? Well, today I took 7 hours to do what I should have done in 30 minutes. And its not like I was using my phone or watching films or walking around in between. I didn’t even go for lunch so that’s 7 hours straight of thinking and not making any progress. Did I get the work done? yes but not satisfactorily.

There’s a kind of guilt I feel just by sitting here writing this blog because it seems like I should be recovering the time I lost today (7 hours) instead of blogging. But I’ve decided to take a break for now and just calm down. I want to start over. I’m not doing that bad but I’m not doing my best either and we only get one life so I’d like to live it fully and freely. And I’ll start by taking some hygge time, watch ‘The Knight Before Christmas’ in my cozy blankets, with really thick socks. I’ll have a thermos full of raspberry tea and I’ll sip it to greatness.  I’ll then sleep through my anger, fear, anxiety and impostor feelings.

So here goes to new beginnings. To living life fearlessly and beautifully.

Hygge for Savvy

Chelsea

 

I’ll write about Hygge soon so watch this space.

Love

Why you shouldn’t be a Feminist (PART 1)

This is going to be part one of a series because it’s an important issue that I should bring to your attention and I don’t want to write anything too long. Part one is going to be based on the definition and partly goals.

The title of this post can be a little bit of a lot surprising especially now that so many women and men have joined the feminist movement and are advocating for equality with men in all spheres. I’m all for women, 100% but I increasingly find myself questioning the goals of this movement because it seems to me that there are none. I have given this post a fair amount of thought and care, and I write it based on knowledge acquired from gender and conflict studies, observing the international arena, reading and listening to intellectuals on the issue.

The first thing I notice is that feminism is a term that’s really difficult to define and I’ll tell you why. Many people call themselves feminists (the same way they do marxists) but have little to no idea what it means or the philosophy behind it, or its goals and implications. There are more than 5 kinds of feminism so if anyone is to call themselves a feminist, I think its important to specify because the different kinds of feminism have different definitions and goals. I specifically question radical feminism which I believe is what many women today identify themselves as. It gets as radical as the phrase ‘men are trash.’

The second thing to note is that there have been three waves of feminism, the 1st, 2nd and 3rd. The 1st & 2nd waves were largely based on rights and equality between men and women. The 1st wave more on rights and the 2nd one more on equality. The third wave begins in the 1980’s and has no clear goal and that’s the problem because if there are no goals, there are no boundaries and if men can go too far, women can go too far but we still haven’t drawn the line.

The philosophy driving the 1st wave was that women needed to draw some boundaries because men had considered themselves superior and had a lot of leeway therefore their behavior had gone out of place. The third wave however doesn’t draw boundaries but suggests that if men can do whatever the heck they want then women can too, and the implication of this is felt more by women than men in many ways.

This is the social climate that we find ourselves in, where truth is subjective and there is a dangerous idea that has been lurking which is, ‘as long as it makes me happy, I can do whatever I want.’  But really???

I’ll give a hypothetical example to see whether we’re together. Let’s assume only men  arbitrarily slept out with other women. At first, feminism was meant to kind of censor such behavior. However, this third wave feminism is largely undefined because its goal would be that; also women have the right to arbitrarily sleep out with other men. And we chase this sort of equality without consideration of its implications, for example in the above hypothesis, we would face health challenges, financial and family problems. This is the sort of dilemma we find ourselves in and to our own detriment. It is increasingly happening the more radicalized we become and I’d just like us to rethink on some of our terms and goals in this era before we go too far (which we already have).

Equality can be savvvvvvvvvy,

Chelsea

I’m never gonna be ready, neither are you

It’s been long since I last wrote particularly because this semester has been my best and my worst at the same time. My best because I’ve made time and connected with my friends more and my worst because well, the work load has been crazy and I hardly had any time to study. The content also seems to have doubled in third year and I just can’t wait to start and finish the next semester already.  If you find this relatable, please give me a few thoughts on how I can manage my next semesters better. Other than that I hope you’re good. I’m good. I have a few things I’d like to share with you today so let’s go!

So many times I’ve waited for an opportune time to make certain decisions or take certain actions but as we’re coming to the end of the year, I realize that I’m never gonna be ready. If you started this year with me on the blog, I shared that I would like to take my French exam and I went ahead and did an extra French course but I’m still not ready for it. This was just an example but from all the things I would have liked to do but never did, I see a pattern. A pattern that comes from fear of failure but failure is inevitable. This is why there’s an important lesson to be learnt here.

You’re never gonna be ready so the best thing to do is to show up. Even when you’re not ready just show up. Showing up means putting your best foot forward and realizing that as long as you’ve done your best, you’re going to be okay. Show up even just for the experience and next time you’ll do better. Show up for yourself. Whether its for an interview, an exam, a game, a trip, a date or whatever show up. I’m not saying its going to be easy but for sure it will be worth it. Show up! Show up! Show up! You not only have  a responsibility to but a moral obligation to. Show up!

Present and Savvvvvvvy,

Chelsea

The real change

IMG_20190709_181052

Changing

Every new year, we make up resolutions and goals to inspire us to go forth and achieve certain things during the year. Now I’m not going to go into whether we achieve them or not. That we’ll talk about later. My real concern here is when the real new year is and how it should be celebrated.

Your birthday is one of the most important days to take stock and change your habits for the better. Yes, we never stop making resolutions because we can always improve on different areas of our lives and become better people. I’m writing this post a week before my birthday because I’m taking stock and seeing what areas of my life I’ve done well and what really needs to change. Starting a week earlier will give me enough time to clear my head and work on myself. Also, I’m starting my 3rd year of university next week so I’ll also have a plan for my academic year. I’ve never done this before but I’m going to start and I want to share my plan with you because it could be helpful whether your birthday is fast approaching or is in the next year. You could always look back at this blog for reference.

Here are a few things to do before your birthday for a successful year.

1. Be grateful 

Acknowledge that you’ve come so far and be grateful for another year added to your life. That means that you still have a lot to fulfill in life and you’ve got to work out ways to fulfill them. Write down what you’re grateful for in a notebook.

2. Your notebook

You need to have 2 notebooks every year. One for the start of the year and the other when you turn a year older. Why? The first one is where you write your goals, daily plan and track your progress. The next one is where you write what you’re grateful for, spiritual matters, how you’re feeling, songs you like, poems to inspire, books you plan on reading, how to think positively or how you want to inspire others. (See my birthday notebook above).

3. Get a GOOD book

A good book while inspire you and change your perspective. Write a realistic list of books you will be reading as the year goes by to remind you to keep dreaming big and working on your goals. I’m now reading ‘The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck’ by  Mark Manson and my perspective about things is changing. I’m now learning what I should really care about in life.

4. Take care of yourself 

Monitor your health. Are your eating habits alright? Is there something you need to change in your diet? You could also do a general medical check up to ensure you’re in good health. Have you been exercising? Do you eat fruits and vegetables? Do you take enough water? Is your skin and hair healthy? Could you be using any harmful products? Do you monitor your screen time? These are the questions to be answered in your birthday notebook.

5. Relationships

You need to have healthy relationships with others. This is the time to forgive yourself and forgive others. Make things right and be intentional about your relationship with other people.

6. Review

Do a review of your previous year in your birthday notebook. Look at what you have achieved. Whether you’re happy with what you’re doing, who you are and who you’re with e.g your career choice, job, friends and lover. Check on your financial status and how you can improve on it. Save more if you need to.

7. Get a theme

Write down what your year will be about. You can have a theme and remind yourself every morning about it. Your theme could be ‘Hygge’, ‘Grace, love, light’, ‘Grind, God, Focus’. Just about anything that will inspire you.

8. Fabulous

Fabulous is an app that will help you develop good habits. It reminds you to read your bible, be grateful, drink water, eat healthy. You could take 10 minutes daily to set up habits and track your progress using this app. So download it and see what works for you.

9. Be ready

Prepare your mind for change. Be optimistic and purposeful about this change. Go without fear and without turning back, And in those bad days when you forget why you started, open your notebook. This is why you need to write things down.

10. Plan on how you want to spend you want to spend your birthday

Write what you’ll do when you wake up, where you want to spend your birthday, what you’re going to eat, who you want to spend your birthday with. You don’t have to spend so much money on this day if you don’t have the means. Doing this may start your new year on a really bad note. What’s more important than spending so much money on this day is how you’re feeling. Stay happy, stay positive.

Until next time,

21 and still savvvvvvy,

Chelsea

 

When You’re at the Edge

 

I attended a church session on rejection and depression, first because I really had never paid attention to these two issues and I wanted to educate myself, secondly because I wanted to look out for myself and others. Of course I already had a preconceived idea that it would be boring since I honestly had no in depth knowledge about rejection and depression. I’ve seen campaigns and articles about these two issues but unfortunately it just hadn’t hit me yet. Not because I’m perfect and my life is so great, sincerely, I’ve had days that I’ve hit rock bottom but because I hadn’t paid attention to myself, to others and to events. I also, fortunately or unfortunately, grew up believing that we’ve just got to be strong cause it’s life and life is just life. But I was so wrong. I now realize that the feelings we ignore come to later manifest in very many ugly ways like selfishness, anger, pessimism, narcissism and the list is endless.

At the Edge

During the session, I was thinking about the many times I’ve been at the edge. Just about to jump off the cliff. The verge between choosing to manage your problems or letting them manage you. I suddenly knew that I have been able to go through a lot. Having gone through them doesn’t mean that they were easy or irrelevant but that somehow I chose, consciously or subconsciously, to do something about them, whether it be sleeping, doing things that make me happy, talking to friends, reading and drawing. I thought of the many things I had thought of doing out of anger and desperation and I was very grateful that I hadn’t done them. Even though I didn’t deal with the problems immediately, I put them off until I was ready to think clearly through them. It helped me survive and live through it to share it with you and others.

Rejection

Rejection can be perceived or real. A perceived rejection may come out of fear therefore you already believe that you have been rejected without even trying while a real rejection is real. You could be and will be rejected from a job, by friends, lovers or even yourself. Yes, yourself. For example by not paying attention to yourself and your feelings or believing negative things about yourself or always being pessimistic about your life or even not taking good care of yourself. Rejection hurts but one way to deal with it is to prepare yourself for it and understand yourself well. Think of why you’re being rejected. If its something that you can change then change it if you want to, if necessary. But if it’s something you can’t change then whoever can’t accept you is being unfair and maybe prejudiced and you don’t need them.

When it comes to rejecting yourself, you need to think about why you don’t treat yourself well. It could be because of circumstances, careless words other people say and you think about it until you believe it or lack of will and determination or belief in yourself. Work out ways to believe in yourself more. Have a plan and purpose for your life.

There will also come a time when you will have to reject others. Do so if you need to but remember that they’re human. It’s not easy, but letting other people go is so much better than leading them on with no intention of having them in your life. Let them go when you let them go. You might have guilt and want to be friends or lovers or colleagues again but it’s better to be clear where your relationship with the other person stands. Forgive them and forgive yourself.

On purpose

Everything happens for a reason. To teach you something or help you avoid a danger you hadn’t foreseen. You’ve got to trust that God has great plans for you and He won’t let you go. So hold on when you’re at the edge. Your problems won’t magically disappear but with time, you’ll see that it all worked out for the good of yourself or someone else.Try to be positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not easy but when you do that, you will survive.

Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. ˜Psalms 30:5

Until next time,

Purposefully savvvvvy,

Love, Chelsea.

 

 

 

Beyond the Stars

Music makes me happy as it does everyone, and for the longest time, I didn’t just want to listen to music but to be able to make and feel music. I started writing songs when I was in primary school. I wrote cheesy songs, happy songs, crazy songs, gospel and everything everything. I made the tunes and even directed the videos in my head. I couldn’t (and still can’t sing like Sia) neither could I play any instrument, but I loved making music nonetheless.

My love for country music led me to wanna play the guitar. So me and my coloured braids enrolled in a class and it was amazing. Obviously I very much liked the idea of being a guitarist and forgot that it actually needed work. And I struggled and I struggled because music just doesn’t come naturally to me. I quit. I quit playing the guitar after learning quite a lot and being able to play most songs since I had learnt all the basic chords.

After a while, my dad so graciously bought a piano and I got interested in the piano. We already had a teacher coming to teach my younger siblings so it was very convenient for me to start playing the piano, and I did. And I’m still playing and learning more so recently since I figured it could as well turn into my career. I do online lessons from pianote since the pianists on there are pretty easy to understand. I particularly remember feeling inspired when one teacher said “Sky is the limit”. Pfffff we’ve all heard that before but the way she said it right at my moment of struggle really inspired me not only musically but generally.

Sky is the limit

My morning devotion today was about not giving up especially when you’ve tried so hard and you’re not yielding anything. There are those moments when you’ve given your project everything you’ve got but you still feel like you’re just not getting there. You scold yourself over and over saying that “If I truly would have done my best, then I wouldn’t be struggling so much right now. I’d be a professional pianist.” But that’s not true. You’ve done your best and that’s what matters. You need to honour your struggle. Nothing comes easy; so no matter how little progress you make, you need to appreciate that you’re not where you started.

‘Sky is the limit’ not people, not books, not money. Comparing yourself to others may discourage you. Some people are fast learners and others don’t have to make so much effort as you do to achieve something. Instead of complaining, enjoy your learning and trust the process. Don’t limit yourself to books too. Explore and find your own creativity and awesomeness.

Beyond the stars

When you reach the sky, go beyond the stars, there’s only space up there and not down here. That’s why it’s called space. You’re free to be anything you want to be. Have a plan, a vision board and lastly, believe. It’s so much easier to believe than to not.

Until next time,

Beyond savvvvvvvy,

Yours,

Chelsea.

Photo in this blog taken by Chelsea

 

 

 

Corner Couch

All alone, whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot

∼Dr. Seuss

Picture this: 

You’re waiting for a friend somewhere. It could be by the road, in a coffee shop, a restaurant or just any random social place. It’s been 5 minutes and they haven’t arrived yet. You’re practically glancing at your watch every second, getting pretty impatient. A random person comes and stands/sits by you, probably waiting for someone too or just minding their own business. It starts getting pretty awkward after a while and you’re thinking that this person thinks you’re idle or bored. Then you remember that you have company. You’re phone. Lifesaver. But you have nothing to do with your phone and even if you do, you’re too anxious to concentrate or annoyed at your friend for being so late. So you scroll through random apps or listen to music -unless you’re the selfie- taking millennial you should be- and you heave a sigh of relief as your friend arrives.

I’ve been in such awkward situations before but not anymore. Not because people started coming early or because I’m the one who arrives late and absolutely not because I never have my phone. I do. But I have a reason and I’ll tell you why.

Corner Couch

We’re not comfortable with being alone and worse, we’re not comfortable with people thinking that we’re alone. That’s why our first instinct when we’re alone around people is to pull out our phone even we have absolutely nothing to do with it. This is not only toxic because it shows that we care a little too much about what people think but also because it shows that we can’t be be our own company (which in turn shows that we have a poor relationship with ourselves).

So the first problem but definitely not the worst, is that we care a little too much about what other people think. We pull out our phones not because we want to, but as a reaction to other people’s thoughts or feelings. The moment we prioritize what other people think instead of paying attention to our own thoughts, we forfeit our own peace of mind. The only time we should care about other people’s thoughts is when we need their feedback or ideas about an issue or maybe a project, in order to see whether we are heading in the right direction. But at the end of the day, their word should not be final but ours. On top of that, the only time other people’s opinions should matter is when you can truly trust that they want the best for you and you can logically see that it is the best decision to make. Otherwise, other people’s thoughts, feelings or opinions on your life are trash and should stay in their heads.

The second problem and the worst is that we have a poor relationship with ourselves. We’re not used to being our own company and we don’t know what to do when we find ourselves alone. That’s why we consult our phones, which as a matter of fact cannot replace the comfort, interaction and life that we find in the heart to heart contact with a human, even ourselves. And then you ask, “But Chelsea, what should I do as I wait for my ride to work?” Worry no more because I’m gonna show you how take the corner couch and be comfortable in it in just 1 step.

Acknowledge that you’re alone and i’ts okay to be alone. People are probably too busy minding their own business so don’t fret. Take two deep breaths and just be grateful for life. Remind yourself that you are your best company. Notice things and people. Be happy and look around. See the beauty around you as you hear the background of human chit chat. Take notice of people’s fashion and kindness. Feel the warmth of the sun or watch the rain as it drops. Read a book if you have one. Talk to someone if you can. Complement someone. Check in on your thoughts and keep them positive. Dream and live. Think about someone you love. Order a cup of coffee and a croissant if you can and feel the flavours. Give a tip. 

If you learn to spend time alone, you’re not only enjoying yourself but also you don’t have to be around toxic people just because you’re afraid of being alone. I know that it’s not easy to do but like everything else, it needs effort and practice. Grab a cup of coffee and a book, take the corner couch and get fuzzy.

To be alone is not to be lonely

Until next time,

Alone and Savvvvvvvvvy,

Chelsea with hearts.

 

-Photo in this post taken by Chelsea.