All alone, whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot
You’re waiting for a friend somewhere. It could be by the road, in a coffee shop, a restaurant or just any random social place. It’s been 5 minutes and they haven’t arrived yet. You’re practically glancing at your watch every second, getting pretty impatient. A random person comes and stands/sits by you, probably waiting for someone too or just minding their own business. It starts getting pretty awkward after a while and you’re thinking that this person thinks you’re idle or bored. Then you remember that you have company. You’re phone. Lifesaver. But you have nothing to do with your phone and even if you do, you’re too anxious to concentrate or annoyed at your friend for being so late. So you scroll through random apps or listen to music -unless you’re the selfie- taking millennial you should be- and you heave a sigh of relief as your friend arrives.
I’ve been in such awkward situations before but not anymore. Not because people started coming early or because I’m the one who arrives late and absolutely not because I never have my phone. I do. But I have a reason and I’ll tell you why.
We’re not comfortable with being alone and worse, we’re not comfortable with people thinking that we’re alone. That’s why our first instinct when we’re alone around people is to pull out our phone even we have absolutely nothing to do with it. This is not only toxic because it shows that we care a little too much about what people think but also because it shows that we can’t be be our own company (which in turn shows that we have a poor relationship with ourselves).
So the first problem but definitely not the worst, is that we care a little too much about what other people think. We pull out our phones not because we want to, but as a reaction to other people’s thoughts or feelings. The moment we prioritize what other people think instead of paying attention to our own thoughts, we forfeit our own peace of mind. The only time we should care about other people’s thoughts is when we need their feedback or ideas about an issue or maybe a project, in order to see whether we are heading in the right direction. But at the end of the day, their word should not be final but ours. On top of that, the only time other people’s opinions should matter is when you can truly trust that they want the best for you and you can logically see that it is the best decision to make. Otherwise, other people’s thoughts, feelings or opinions on your life are trash and should stay in their heads.
The second problem and the worst is that we have a poor relationship with ourselves. We’re not used to being our own company and we don’t know what to do when we find ourselves alone. That’s why we consult our phones, which as a matter of fact cannot replace the comfort, interaction and life that we find in the heart to heart contact with a human, even ourselves. And then you ask, “But Chelsea, what should I do as I wait for my ride to work?” Worry no more because I’m gonna show you how take the corner couch and be comfortable in it in just 1 step.
Acknowledge that you’re alone and i’ts okay to be alone. People are probably too busy minding their own business so don’t fret. Take two deep breaths and just be grateful for life. Remind yourself that you are your best company. Notice things and people. Be happy and look around. See the beauty around you as you hear the background of human chit chat. Take notice of people’s fashion and kindness. Feel the warmth of the sun or watch the rain as it drops. Read a book if you have one. Talk to someone if you can. Complement someone. Check in on your thoughts and keep them positive. Dream and live. Think about someone you love. Order a cup of coffee and a croissant if you can and feel the flavours. Give a tip.
If you learn to spend time alone, you’re not only enjoying yourself but also you don’t have to be around toxic people just because you’re afraid of being alone. I know that it’s not easy to do but like everything else, it needs effort and practice. Grab a cup of coffee and a book, take the corner couch and get fuzzy.
To be alone is not to be lonely
Until next time,
Alone and Savvvvvvvvvy,
Chelsea with hearts.
-Photo in this post taken by Chelsea.